The Stash
by angimal
Summary: After discovering a website featuring him and Keith as a gay couple, Lance decides to probe Keith's thoughts.


**The Stash**

"Oh my God."

"Hmm?"

"Oh my God!"

"What?"

"OH MY GOD!"

Keith slammed his book shut and gave Lance a death glare. "What is it?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"I'm accessing more of Earth's historical records."

Keith rolled his eyes. That was Lance's code for searching for his name on outdated internet pages. "So, what did you find this time," Keith asked, flipping through the book for the page had just been on.

"It's not just me. It's you, too."

"Enlighten me."

"Have you ever heard of yaoi?"

"Can't say that I have."

"Really? You're Japanese, aren't you? It's a genre of anime and manga."

"Half Japanese. And does it look like I waste my time with cartoons and comic books?"

"Don't you have a Miyazaki collection?"

"Yes. And?"

"You just said you don't watch anime, but you do. Isn't it some kind of Japanese law that you have an anime stash?"

"First of all, Miyazaki is not traditional anime. The man's a genius. Second of all, I'm only half Japanese and was raised in the US. I'm no less American than you. Is there a point you're trying to make, or can I go back to reading?"

"I just came across a site that has yaoi stories about you and me."

"Okay."

"Okay? Keith, yaoi is a genre dedicated to male-male relationships! You should read this stuff. There's some sick shit on here."

"Like?"

"Well, like us fucking in every possible position known to humankind. These chicks are crazy!"

"Women are writing this stuff?"

"You bet. In their eyes, we're male lovers."

"I wonder why they think we're gay."

"Who's to say we aren't."

"Lance, do I have to remind you how many women you've dated?"

"No, but I've never considered asking a guy out before. Who am I to say I wouldn't like it."

"So, you're bi now?"

"I'm just saying, why call ourselves 100% straight if we've never tried the other way before."

"You're the crazy one," Keith said, shaking his head as he went back to reading.

"How about you?"

"What about me?"

"Would you try the other way?"

"I don't have time to date either gender."

"Okay, hypothetically, if you had time off and you met a really hot guy and he asked you out, would you say yes?"

"Hypothetically?"

"That's what I said."

"Sure, I would say yes just to see where it went."

"Do you think I'm hot?"

"Lance, come on. I'm trying to read."

"Just answer the question. Do you think I'm hot?"

"You are an attractive man. But you already knew that."

"So, if I asked you out, would you say yes?"

"No. Fraternization with team members is against Garrison policy."

"Okay, what if we weren't on the same team?"

"Lance, where are you going with this?"

"I'm just curious. If I asked you out, and we weren't team members, would you say yes?"

"If I say 'yes' will you shut up?"

"Maybe."

"Then yes, I would agree to go out with you if you asked and we weren't on the same team."

"Would you fuck me?"

"Oh for the love of God!"

"Well, would you?"

"I think you would have to get me plenty drunk before I agreed to that."

"Why?"

"I don't want to think about my dick or yours going where the sun doesn't shine. Certain orifices were meant for letting things out, not taking things in."

"But people do it all the time. And it's the easiest way to stimulate your prostate. Haven't you ever tried to do it on your own?"

"Do what on my own?"

"Stimulate your prostate. You know, like with a finger?"

Keith mumbled something under his breath and focused his attention back to the book.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite here that, Keith."

"I said, does it really matter?"

"Oh wow, you haven't, have you?"

"I never said that."

"Then you have?"

"Not with a finger."

"Then with what?"

Keith didn't answer. Lance's curiosity was sparked. He rose from his chair in the rec room and walked toward the door. "Guess I'll have to see for myself," he said, suddenly turning and running towards Keith's room.

"Lance, get your ass away from my room!" Keith shouted, bolting after him.

"Why? Will it find something it likes?" Lance taunted, reaching Keith's door.

Keith had left it unlocked, and Lance strolled in quite casually, locking the door behind him with a code that would take Keith some time to crack. _Now, where would I be if…,_ Lance thought as he poked around Keith's room.

He sat on the edge of Keith's bed and looked for the place easiest to access from it. _The night stand, of course!_

As Keith pounded away on the door, demanding to be let in, Lance turned to face the short set of drawers next to the bed. The first drawer held books, Keith's wings, and memorable photos. The second drawer contained official papers from the Garrison, such as his posting on Arus. The final drawer was locked. _Well, well. I think we found something here._

Years of working with classic cars when he was younger gave Lance the skills to pick most basic locks. In no time, the drawer was unlocked, and Lance slid it open carefully.

**~~.~*~.~~**

"Lance! I swear to God you're a dead man!"

"You know, for a Buddhist you curse a lot at the Christian god!" Lance shouted back through the door.

Pidge heard the noise and ran to Keith's side. "What's with all the shouting, Cap?"

"Lance locked me out of my room. He's in there snooping around."

"Oh? For what?"

"Doesn't matter. Can you override his lock command?"

"What do I get?"

"You want a reward for this? You're just as bad as Lance!"

"Well?"

"Fine, I'll give you an extra hour of video game time tonight."

Pidge typed a few commands on the control pad on the wall, and the door slid open. "Really, Keith, if you haven't learned to crack Lance's codes by now you're going lose all power over him," Pidge warned as he headed back to his room

Keith stepped into his room and saw Lance in shock, staring at the open drawer.

**~~.~*~.~~**

"Oh my God, Keith! You of all people! I'd have thought you were too uptight for this shit."

Lance began pulling out various sex toys from Keith's night stand – a few dildos, a vibrating cock ring, a couple anal plugs, and a prostate massager. To top it off, there was a stash of vintage _Jock_ and _Playgirl_ magazines.

Keith, who was as red as his jump suit, locked the door behind him and pushed Lance away. "You were never supposed to see this. No one was!"

Lance studied the prostate massager. "Bet this hits the spot better than a finger, huh?"

Keith yanked it out of his hands as he scrambled to put everything back. "You can't tell anyone about this!"

"Oh, I don't know, Keith. Not only are you hiding your sexual status, but you've got a treasure trove of sex toys and porno magazines. Hugh Hefner would blush."

"What do you want?" Keith sighed. He knew Lance kept quiet with bribes.

Lance made his way to a small collection of bottles and glasses on Keith's shelf. He poured a shot's worth of whiskey into a glass. Then he reached into his coat pocket, and pulled out a bottle of lube that had been in Keith's drawer. He held out both the booze and the lube to Keith.

"You never did answer my question."

Keith gulped. "Which question?"

Lance grinned wickedly. "Would you fuck me?"


End file.
